My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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