sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
