Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
that may or may not have been my penis.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
