i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Do vagina's smell?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
