Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
