just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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