I heard we made out
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
