His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
