you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
