The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
