my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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