This is not my ceiling
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
