You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
handjob tips. give me some.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
