After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
