so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
