Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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