I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
