and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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