Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
