Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
