I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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