dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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