its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Shame is for Republicans.
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