yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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