OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
