Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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