you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Dear god my vagina.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
