Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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