Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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