Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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