I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
