i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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