i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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