it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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