Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
