Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
