the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
