apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
