I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
