we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
