There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
