I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
