but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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