I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
