We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
