Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
