If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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