just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
