i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
