I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
