I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
