the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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